June 12, 2014

Special Snowflakes

I was experimenting with a deep side part, more of a combover, really, when there was a knock on my door. I tucked my chin into my chest and examined my roots situation in the bathroom mirror. Still atrocious. I sighed and put my hairbrush down and went to open the door. The clock on the microwave display blinked from 11:59 to 12:00 as I walked past—Peter was exactly on time.

Peter held up a bag from In-N-Out and a six pack of beer. “Dinner.”

Instantly, my mouth began to water. I’d never bothered to get lunch, not even an afternoon snack. After my meeting with William and my failed attempts to locate the manuscript for The Five I’d lost my appetite entirely. I knew Howie had taken it, but I hadn't seen her for the rest of the day, and I didn't know what she was up to or how to handle this. I thought about going to William, but I couldn't figure out a way to play it without coming across like a whiny tattletale—"Howie's being mean to me and she took my favorite toy!" Part of being an agent is managing difficult people and challenging situations, so somehow I had to figure out a way to handle this situation without involving William.

Peter wagged the bag back and forth, wafting that briny French fry smell into my apartment. My stomach twisted, impatiently. I grabbed my purse and shut and locked my door. “I am going to inhale that burger.”

- -

“I can’t believe they expect you to stay here,” Peter said, dabbing a corner of his mouth with a napkin. We’d parked at a pier overlooking the ocean in Santa Monica. I’d mentioned to Peter a few days ago that I hadn’t been to the beach once since moving out here, and his mouth dropped in disbelief. “I go every weekend,” he’d said. “Weekends," I'd murmured, "what are those again?”

“Yup.” I washed down the last bite of my burger with a swig of beer. I’d decided to break my no-drinking rule. I deserved a beer after the day I’d had. I deserved twenty-seven of them.

“Would you really stay out here?” Peter asked.

I watched a wave break, the lip curdling along the edge of the shore. “I’m trying to figure that out.”

“You’re actually considering their offer?” Peter asked, his voice going high with surprise.

I turned to look at him. I couldn't believe he was surprised I would consider it. “Of course I am. It’s an amazing offer. I’d be a junior agent, at twenty-six years old. I’d practically double my salary. Would definitely double it if my bonus is enough.”

“But they can't even guarantee you a bonus, so don't base your decision on that," Peter said.

"Thanks for the tip," I said, a little sharply.

"Don't be like that," Peter said. "Sometimes you can be hasty, that's all. I just want to make sure you really think about everything you’d be giving up,” Peter said.

I folded my arms across my chest. “What would I be giving up, exactly?”

“What about your family? Your friends?”

"I'm not giving them up, Peter. They'd still be my family and friends. I just wouldn't see them as often."

Peter balled up his napkin and tossed it into the empty In-N-Out bag. "Wouldn't that upset your mom, though? You two are close, I thought."

I laughed. “Do you want to know what Nance said when I called to tell her about it?”

Peter waited for me to answer my own question.

“She said this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and that sometimes you have to make sacrifices to get ahead in your career. That no one who has ever gotten anywhere in life got there by playing it safe.” I replayed our conversation from earlier in the evening in my head. “Sweetheart, your father and I will visit. We’ll make it work. Don’t you even worry about us. We are so proud of you.”

“But there is more to life than your career,” Peter said. “Like...the rest of your life.”

I traced the mouth of the beer bottle with my finger. I couldn't believe we were going here again. “What’s the rest of my life?”

“Uh, how about friendships, relationships, a family.”

“And I can’t have those things in L.A.?”

Peter opened his mouth to say something, then shut it. His jaw tightened, then released.

“I can’t have them with you in L.A.,” I concluded.

Peter snorted. “Don't think so highly of yourself. Really.”

“Well?" I help up my hands and bore him down with a look. Peter shook his head and turned away from me, looked out the window. "What is it then?” I pushed. “Why are you so opposed to this?”

“I just,” Peter sighed, and a little smudge appeared on the pane. L.A. has a blessedly dry climate, but there was actually a little bit of humidity by the water. “I just don’t want to see you turn into one of those people.”

“What people?”

“You know,” Peter said, “the ones who give everything to their career and don’t give time to...all the other stuff that’s important in life.” He looked at me.

“Is that what you think you did?”

“No,” Peter said. “I made time for that other stuff. It just didn’t work out. And I regret it every day. You have no idea...I’m thirty-eight.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “There are so many things I wish I had right now that I don’t have. I'm telling you this from the perspective of someone who wants stability in his life right now and can't seem to find it. I'm scared it's too late for me. I would never want to see you in this place.”

I found his hand and squeezed it. “I know. But listen, you took the steps to find that relationship and have a family and it didn't work out. There are no guarantees. And I don't even know if I want those things. I can't make decisions based on something I might want in the future. Even if those things were more important to me, it's not an either/or decision, here. Being an agent in L.A. and stability in my personal life are not mutually exclusive, you know? But for right now, I like having the freedom to give as much as I can to my career. I love it, actually.”

Peter looked down, at my hand in his. I wondered if he was surprised too, that there weren't as many sparks there as usual. “You know, when I first met you, I didn’t think this was who you were,” Peter said.

I opened my mouth to defend myself but Peter stopped me. “It’s a compliment.” He squeezed my hand.

I was suddenly overtaken with a desire to run. I'd only had two beers, but I was feeling antsy and adventurous. I wiggled my feet out of my sandals and pushed open my door. “Come on.”

At first, I didn’t think Peter had followed me. But then I heard his breathing, strong and sure, right behind me as I plunged into the ocean. The water was colder than I thought it would be and dark as a bruise. I only made it up to my hips before I stopped and dropped to my knees, letting a small wave charge me and soak me all over.

“Why did you stop?” Peter gasped behind me. The water only reached him at mid-thigh.

“I got nervous,” I said, wiping salt water from my eyes. "You know, sharks."

Peter laughed and dropped to his knees, gliding closer to me. He hugged my waist and for a second, I thought he was going to kiss me again. But then he stood with force, heaving me into the air. I landed about five feet out, and when I broke the surface I screamed bloody murder. I didn’t stop until I swam in closer to the shore. Peter was laughing so hard he’d dropped to his knees again, and the water lapped at his chest.

“You are a special snowflake, Josie,” he said.

“I almost wish Jaws had gotten me so you would feel really bad,” I said.

“I would have gone in after you,” Peter said. “No matter what.”

"I don't know if I'd have gone in after you," I said. "I'm kind of a pussy like that." Peter splashed me in the face with water and I laughed. I tilted my head back and stretched my legs out in front of me, digging my fingers into the ocean's sandy floor. We sat like that for a while, not speaking, just floating, until our fingers wrinkled and Peter said it was late and he should probably get me home.  

81 comments:

  1. For a blog that is winding down, it doesn't feel that way. I think Josie so choose LA

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  2. Ah, loving the Peter storyline. Great post!

    cranberryvodka9.blogspot.com

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  3. Seems like things are definitely coming to a close for Josie and Peter as a couple, but who knows, I could be wrong! Honestly I think it's time for their chapter to end together. I'm excited to read more about the manuscript Howie took and what happens at work!

    http://highheelshappyhour.blogspot.com/

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    1. Chris - @nylonlover69 on TwitterJune 13, 2014 at 9:16 AM

      Hey Alexis, would love to comment on your blog but me and my wordpress sign in apparently aren't getting along right now. Won't you please add a Name/URL sign in option to your comment area?

      Delete
  4. Noo I don't want to hear there are less sparks! I love Peter.

    Interested to hear what happens with that manuscript!

    http://tragedytwentysomething.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. Ditto!! Hoping they find the sparks again...

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  5. I NEVER complain, but this post was fluffy bullshit. absolutely NOTHING happened.

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    1. For someone who never complains, you just did a spectacular job of it.

      I liked that this post was more about Josie and Peter after the last post was mostly about work. It's nice to switch it up and keep everyone happy.

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  6. I really wish Peter and Josie would happen. He has been, without a doubt my favourite man in her life. Their spark was so sexy! Not gonna lie I'm a bit dissapointed, but I'll read until Josie's story comes to an end. Thanks Jess!

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    1. I too am disappointed. I feel that Josie and Peter's story is winding down so there is an opening for Richard to swoop back in with whatever he has achieved in San Francisco and he and Josie can live happily ever after on the West coast. Blah. But love this blog and I'm still excited to see where things go.

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  7. Why can't Peter stay in LA?

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  8. So Josie it's going to choose that man child Richard? The sparks from two days prior suddenly disappeared with Peter? Peter it's better off without Josie.

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    Replies
    1. I was thinking the same thing. I need a heads up is she ends up with Richard because I need to stop reading now! I would prefer for her to end up alone.

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    2. I agree with both of you. Just a few days before they were on her balcony and the sparks were there. She told her friends that she still had feelings for Peter and now nothing. WTF? Her feelings miraculously changed overnight. If Josie is that fickle then Peter can surely do better than her. If she ends up Richard I will be so disappointed because in my opinion she was nothing but a challenge to Richard. He was always selfish and everything was on his terms. She would be better off with Justin, than him. It would be best if Josie focuses on her career instead of settling down. Why settle for an unstable, selfish man like Richard. I can't get over how unnatural this post felt. It goes against everything we learned about Josie and Peter in the past.

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    3. I disagree. For you, expecting a perfect, idealistic love story, this may seem unrealistic, but this is reality. The first time you see an ex after some time apart, you will inevitably feel something, especially if you're lonely. But after getting comfortable again, just like in a new relationship, the spark may not be sustainable.

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    4. Well.... no Caroline. This is not "reality" its a fictional blog. we can totally expect an idealistic love story!

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    5. I agree. You can expect it. I just think Jessica is totally justified in writing that the 'sparks disappeared.' It can happen. I love my mushy endings, too!

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  9. This wasn't a spectacular post. It was filler and nothing really interesting happened. A passing mention of the manuscript and some ho-hum conversation with Peter. A complete step back from admitting to herself that she always has a spark with Peter.

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    Replies
    1. I was hoping for more also. I think this post was about her relationship/spark with Peter dying down. I think this is laying the ground for wittle baby Richard to come back.

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  10. I know the blog is supposed to end soon, so please please please have Josie end up with Peter for good!

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  11. Oh, my heart sank when I read there were less sparks with Peter! Please let it work out between them - it just feels like it wouldn't be right to end things any other way!

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  12. Beautiful post. Josie and Peter's relationship is coming full circle, they are truly seeing who the other is, share a mutual respect and understanding and I think they will remain lifelong friends. I don't think he's her "one" but I love the friendship they could end up having for life. I love it.

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  13. Oh and this definitely wasnt a filler post. I can see where you are going with this, you are bringing peace and closure to these charachters and helping us as readers understand who they are and why they are choosing their respective paths in life. Youre an amazing writer.

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  14. I agree with the previous comment in that this wasn't a filler post. There aren't fillers in most stories really, just moments where the writer needs wind down to shift gears. I can't wait to hear what happens with Peter!
    I loved the end, it was peaceful. I hope that whatever will happen with them and the rest, that they all end up peaceful with their decisions too.

    www.ofpoetsandheartbreakers.blogspot.com

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  15. I'm not buying the whole "less sparks" thing here. This entry just felt....weird. Almost as if Jessica knows we want Josie and Peter together (as readers) but she's planning on going in a different direction (Richard) and so she's just kind of ending it in a bizarre post. DEFINITELY not my favorite entry.

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  16. I love this blog, and I have read it since the beginning and never felt tempted to comment until now. But I have to say that if this is the way it transitions from Peter to Richard, I'm gonna be annoyed. I hope this was a fake out.

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  17. Ahh please let Peter & Josie work out! If she goes back to Richard i will be soooo disappointed!

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  18. It was a weird entry for me too. Not thrilled w the end w Josie concentrating on work only. It's just not as thrilling to me. Work is great & all but there is so much more to life!

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  19. This post was perfect Jessica don't listen to the haters! I for one am hoping that Josie and Peter remain just friends. I would be thrilled if Josie chose Richard because no one is perfect and he really does love her. He may not know how to express it all the time but they deserve a second chance at a relationship. Just like u gave Peter a second chance earlier in the blog. Excited to see where this is going and it's great to see Josie being independent and a strong working girl :)

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    1. Questions for team Richard. What exactly has Richard done to demonstrate his love for Josie? When has he put her first? When was he completely honest? Does she even know the real Richard? Did he not play on Josie's insecurities? If no, please explain. Thanks.

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    2. Yes Richard didn't know how to express himself with Josie and acted immature at times. He had never been in a relationship and was an idiot not knowing how to act and Josie knew this going into their relationship. What spoke to me the most was the fact that he broke it off with her because he told her he wasn't good enough for her. That he wanted to get his shit together. Of course this would hurt Josie but it showed he really loved her and wasn't just stringing her along for sex. This is a fictional blog but since his parents are so messed up and have no relationship whatsoever of course Richard is going to be lost in relationships and have trouble forming and keeping them. Josie saw his dysfunctional family first hand. I would be perfectly happy if Jessica wrote them together in the end. I may not like it if Jessica ends up putting Josie and Peter together in the end but I won't throw a tantrum or put down the blog. We are all entitled to like whatever guy we want Josie to be with or have her be single if she is so inclined. There's my two cents. Your Welcome.

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    3. For the whole time they have known each other, Richard has been a fuckwit. And Richard was indeed in a relationship before Josie. Remember the way he messed that up? I don't think his dumping her is evidence of his love for her at all. It was cowardly and selfish. He could have worked to get his shit together without hurting her. It's not as though he wouldn't have space to do that with Josie living in LA.

      I also don't buy that whole idea that because Richard's family is dysfunctional he gets a pass. Richard's family is messed up and it seems like they always will be. So is this pass a lifelong one?

      With that said, I am not throwing a tantrum, nor am I putting down the blog. I love the blog and I will keep reading. When I discuss the characters, it is not meant to disparage the blog or the author. It comes from a place of being invested (maybe too much?) and being so into the story and wanting to engage in a discussion (or sometimes a debate) as I would with my favourite tv shows, books or movies.

      You can have your two cents back.

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    4. Wow I was by no means attacking you when I said I, ME, MYSELF wouldn't throw a tantrum. No need to take things personal it's just a fictional blog. As Peter said to Josie (and another reason Peter doesn't cut it for me) "Don't think so highly of yourself". I don't lose sleep over this blog so I'll take my change back no biggie. I won't post my opinions anymore if it bothers u so much.

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  20. I'm sorry for commenting a lot on this post, but I have to know, am I the ONLY one who is hoping Ian makes a surprise entrance and Josie ends up staying in LA and working things out with him? I know he was an extreme douche the last time we saw him, but he WAS an overall good guy and Josie seemed to click with him. And he lives in LA, for goodness sake, we have to at least see him, right? RIGHT? Again, I understand I am in the minority here. Actually, I'm probably the only one hoping Ian shows up :-p

    cranberryvodka9.blogspot.com

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    1. Not to be rude but why would you want her to reunite with Ian? He used her. He only had sex with her as part of a sick game. Not to mention the drug use. Why would you want to see her with that loser? How was he an overall good guy?

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    2. I know this is a matter of opinion, but I think Ian was very misunderstood. He screwed over those other girls, and he may have resented Josie a little in the beginning, but I think they were genuinely connecting towards the end and now that some time has passed, he may have moved past all his high school insecurities. I don't know, just an idea. The night that he was hitting on the other girl at the bar, Josie was the one who told him she couldn't hang out. There are plenty of guys who may really like a particular girl, but will continue to have their fun until they're actually exclusive. I do tend to give guys more credit than they deserve sometimes, though, haha.

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    3. Why would Josie have hung out with him that night when she caught him with the other girl? He was with Josie the night before and saying how good it was. the next night he made it clear he was trying to her laid.

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    4. Yeah, but what I'm saying is that before they ran into each other at the bar, he had asked to hang out with Josie. It was a small detail in the blog, but Ian wanted to hang out with Josie and when she said she was busy, he decided to go to the bar. When she confronted him, he said he was trying to get laid but if she had originally agreed to hang out with him, he wouldn't have been hitting on the other girl.

      Still kind of a dick move, but I'm trying to play devil's advocate. Even though Ian screwed up, plenty of time has passed where something could possibly work. And I think it'd be fun to see!

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    5. I think that if Josie even considers Ian, even if for a booty call, she would be taking a hundred steps backwards. She believed Ian's story about the yearbook and then at Thanksgiving snuck him into her parent's basement for sex. He got what he wanted. If he really cared for Josie he wouldn't be at the bar the next night making out with a another girl from their high school. One of them who he had less than kind comments about in the yearbook if memory serves me correct. Josie wasn't his girlfriend and he could do as he pleases. His actions in my opinion proved what a player and jerk he was. Josie doesn't need that kind of person in her life. Josie has grown both professionally and emotionally and doesn't need to lower her standards for the likes of Ian or any man for that matter. For you to say that his actions were justified because Josie didn't want to hang out is insane. You're basically blaming her for his actions.

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    6. Caroline, are you saying that if you're dating someone and are unable to hang out, that gives that person carte Blanche to do whatever he pleases with whomever? Josie wasn't his girlfriend but he made it clear that night at the bar he wanted sex. Josie can do better.

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    7. I don't think his actions were justified because Josie didn't want to hang out. I'm just saying that he wanted to hang out with Josie first and foremost, so he literally would have chosen hanging out with Josie OVER going out. He WAS a jerk to her that night, but he also wasn't cheating or anything. Again, this is my opinion but I don't think Ian's actions dispute that he might have had feelings for Josie. He also might be a jerk and he might have never had feelings for Josie. I just don't think we saw enough of him to know, so if he came back in the picture it could be interesting.

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    8. I think you are so naive. Ian liked her so much that he had no problem making out with a girl at a bar. I guess it's justified because he wanted to hang out with Josie and she said no. No wonder some men treat women like crap. it's because we find excuses for their behavior and justify it.

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    9. I'm not naive and I don't think girls should allow men to treat them like crap. I don't think ANYBODY, man or woman, should be judged without any chance of redemption.

      It's rude to claim that someone is naive because they don't agree with you. I'm not commenting on the issue further.

      Delete
  21. OK, not sure where storyline will lead. I know that real life can be cruel, but that's why I like my fantasy reading. I have read this blog from the very beginning and Peter keeps cropping up in Josie's life over and over. Even here, he went to L.A. at least in part because he missed her; he said so. Their interactions have been 2-1/2 years of emotional foreplay and personally, I would love to see them as a serious couple with Josie in her grown up state. Being a couple doesn't have to mean being suburban conventional. Anything else to, to my mind, would be a last minute plot twist. I was into the Ian character until he pulled his mean spirited stunt in November. Richard is no better--he is so emotionally closed, he shut Josie out at the first sign of a crisis and then didn't have the decency (even as a FRIEND) to give her a heads up and say goodbye before he went west. (I tried to give his character the benefit of the doubt--I really did--but her turned coward and dumped her. Dunzo.) I love that there is a strong emphasis on Josie's career and that she is making it in a tough business, but as she said in this very post--why can't she have both career and love? And as a longtime LSP fan, why can't I (and the rest of us Team Peter readers) have our happy ending? Just sayin'. PLEEEEEEEASE, Jessica...Happy ending? Pretty please???

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  22. I love you, I love this blog, I love your writing. Seriously, I'm so invested. Thank you!

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  23. Why must it be Peter, Richard or Ian? Those are dodgy, 'girls gotta settle' choices IMO. If past loves are all that's available why not toss in Justin and college ex for good measure??

    But I believe Josie will pull a 'Kelly Taylor' and choose 'none of the above'. Those past boys have all done Josie wrong. Trust and believe - a healthy, adult relationship doesn't leave room for doubt, feels of inferiority, judgmentalness, manipulation, poor communication or emotional distress. Josie can have love for them all but hopefully she loves herself more.

    A healthy, adult relationship feels like a vacay in Hawaii but it's an intense/all consuming 160+ hr/wk job that pays in boo-tay :)

    So, I hope Josie's looking for a new love baby, a new love, yeah yeah yeah... cause I am routing for 'sexy, successful, mature, supportive, loving male character to be named later.' That's the story arch & progression towards a 'happy, fairy tale ending' this longtime reader (and Nance) expect(s).

    OH and as for Howie & 'The Five' - Josie needs to type up her script coverage and email it out to ALL agents ASAP! Then show up with Charli Ardman, Spielberg, Rachel McAdams & Ryan Gossling all ready to go! Or something AMAZING to explain why she doesn't have that manuscript & Howie's does.

    Howie may have taken the manuscript but Josie left it unattended in an area where everyone is competing for jobs as lit agents not librarians. Call Howie a 'bitch' or a 'mean girl' if you want -- but I call her Bob Sugar, it's not show friends, it's show business! Josie needs to scoop Howie or be scooped. Cause if Howie comes out on top now CWA might not offer Josie an agent job on her terms. They're looking for a tapped in, cut throat, vulture who gets results not someone who gets scooped - by coworkers or competitors. Not saying Josie should compromise her ethics - she can accomplish the same using an iron fist concealed in a velvet glove. Plus she doesn't want to EVER be seen as #2 rising star Howie or have future success tainted by fallen star Howie.

    Whatever the outcome, Josie needs to learn from this experience: If you discover the next John Green or JK Rowling - GUARD IT WITH YOUR LIFE! Eat, sleep, bath, travel, give birth etc.. clutching it like it's 90% off YSL or McQueen!

    Holy crap this is long! #ThanksBlahNBAfinals

    #LongTimeReaderFirstTimePoster #TeamNewLuv

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    1. You go girl!!!

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    2. I agree! It would be nice to see some new, male blood :-p

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    3. Holy crap this was the best comment EVER! So I'm just gonna say... Ditto!

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  24. I loved this post. Finally feels like Peter and Josie are coming to a peaceful mutual close. Hoping Richard will sweep in and shock Jose at her door with a passionate love filled reunion!
    Fingers crossed!

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  25. I am so team Peter can't get enough

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  26. I really hope that Peter and josie get back together.

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  27. Ok. I've been reading this blog since day one (at Cosmo) but I have never commented. I just have to say... please, let Josie be with Peter. This post felt so much like it was their ending. I know Peter isn't perfect, but Richard is the worst. I disliked him at first, and then when he made me like him a bit he screwed it up. Let Peter and Josie be.

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  28. I love Josie and Peter's chemistry, but I think this post was more realistic: Peter is virtually dying to settle down and start a family. His biological clock is ticking. Josie is definitely not at that point right now. She wants to test herself in her career, not start having Peter's babies.

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  29. Please! Josie was the one who was snarky first, with her, you want me to just be with you and leave everything. Which is not what he was saying. She does think highly of herself and should check herself before speaking sometimes.

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  30. I'm glad that Josie & Peter are going to get the closure they both so obviously need. I hope Josie stays in California since Richard is moving to California!
    I disagree with people saying it's a filler, fluff post. Every post can't be filled with crazy, juicy, sexy things.
    People complained when there was too mu ch sex & not enough work, and now there is too much work & not enough sex.
    I loved the post & i am so excited to see what happens with Howie & the manuscript!

    http://lovelifela.wordpress.com

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  31. I was taken aback by that comment as well. He's been condescending with her from the get-go and it seems he's having a very hard time shaking the view that she's beneath him. He comes off as a father figure more in this posting. I'm also confused why he gets a pass when Richard catches all hell when he calls her out on her bullsh*t sarcastically, the way a best friend would. Who knows where Josie will end up. We'll more than likely see Richard before this is all over. Bravo to Jessica for creating two male characters that clearly resonate with different readers in wholly different ways!

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  32. I'd be ok with Josie not being with Peter except for the fact Peter always found a way back and I'm going to be really disappointedif she doesn't end up with him, especially if she picks Richard instead...

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  33. I hope Josie chooses herself. Peter's a hater, Richard's s man child.and Ian really? Cmon people he treated her like crap. She deserves the best which is herself.

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  34. It might not be a popular opinion... Peter just doesn't seem honest, nice, or concerned to me. I think he has this idea that he has Josie on a string and he can just pick up and treat her like dirt. Richard is being a big baby. Buhh. Josie, do you and get an awesome career. William is plenty of man in your life... It's like having a father and a baby in the same package!! ha!

    http://kathleentries.blogspot.com/

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  35. Team Peter all the way baby!!!!!

    http://lifeistooshorttakeitwithagrainofsalt.blogspot.com/?m=1

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  36. Have really enjoyed reading this blog and recently decided to start writing my own! check out my new blog!
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    ReplyDelete
  37. Josie OUGHT to think highly of herself...and thank you, Amesabelle, for backing up what I've said all along about Peter being an uppity D-bag who has ALWAYS treated Josie like she is beneath him.

    WHAT is UP with all these women who crave a father-figure for a mate?!

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  38. I'm a new reader, but man! This post made me love Peter.

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