June 17, 2014

Pitch Perfect

I pushed open the door to the coffee shop and peered over the ledge of my big dark sunglasses. I didn't see anyone who looked like a future National Book Award winning, best-selling author meal ticket. Even so, I addressed every single male in the room, "Are you Charli? Charli?" They all shook their heads no.

I had done something...questionable...that had helped me sniff out Charli's trail. I am not opposed to using my womanly wiles to get what I want, but they were of no use to me because what I wanted was for the pub tech guys to break into Howie's email, and all the pub tech guys are gay. Fortunately, they are also obsessed with Peter.

"You want me to do what?" Peter had asked me, when I went to him a few days ago and outlined my plan.

"I know she has that manuscript," I said. "And I want to see if she's been in contact with the author. His email address was on the coversheet."

Peter sighed. "This is sort of unethical, you know."

"So is being an insufferable whore!" I huffed.

"Okay, easy," Peter said. "I'll do it."

I clapped my hands together. "Really?!"

Peter shrugged. "Why not? It's not like I even work here. What are they going to do, fire me?"

So it was Peter who had charmed Kenny, the pub tech guy, and Kenny who had infiltrated Howie's email to reveal that she had, in fact, been in touch with Charli Ardman and that they had plans to meet for coffee in a few days. I decided to pull a Don Draper and just show up to their meeting, blow Charli away with a rousing pitch about how his book was the next Fault in Our Stars—that I would do everything in my power to bring The Five to a wide readership. I doubt Howie had even read the manuscript, anyway. She was only interested in Charli because I was interested in him.

I had shown up early, hoping that Charli would arrive first, but no such luck. I went to check my phone and then remembered, for the millionth time, that it was at home, soaking in a bowl of rice. When I'd jumped into the ocean the other night, trying to be all free-spirited and wild, what I hadn't realized was that my phone was in my back pocket. The thing is clearly a goner but I haven't had time to get to Apple, so it's been sitting in a bowl of rice for the last three days while I continue to hope for an Apple miracle.

The bells jingled behind me as the door opened and I turned to see Howie enter the coffee shop. I was instantly annoyed—I'd hoped to get to Charli before she did.

"Oh! Josie!" she said, sounding a little bit nervous. I reminded myself that I had still had the element of surprise on my side. For all Howie knew, I was just in here to get a latte.

"Howie!" I said, matching her tone, trying to appear just as surprised as she was to see me. "What are you doing here?"

Howie pushed her sunglasses on top of her head. "Just...meeting someone."

I winked at her. "Like a date?"

"No," Howie bristled. "I don't have time to date right now. Anyone who does clearly doesn't want this badly enough." She gave me a pointed look. Howie had also been given an end date and offered a position as a junior agent. The only difference is she got to go back to New York. I'd followed up with William to see where I stood on my offer, and William had only said that my salary request was "under review" by the partners. The way he said it made my stomach sour. Now I was worried I'd gone too far, asked for too much. What if they decided I was too demanding? A typical entitled millennial? I'd had to re-read my beaten up copy of Lean In to reassure myself that I hadn't done anything a man wouldn't have done. Hear me roar!

"Who are you meeting then?" I pushed.

Howie rolled her eyes. "God, you are nosy. I could ask you the same thing. What are you doing here?"

I was about to lie and say that Java Joe's has the best latte in town but the bells jingled again and when I saw who stepped through the doors I lost my ability to speak. I was moving my mouth but no words were coming out.

Howie passed her hand over my face. "You better not be having a stroke right now."

I barely heard her. All I could focus on was Richard, stepping towards me, the expression on his face both determined and fearful. He leaned down and his lips brushed my cheek. "You came," he said, quietly, and gave me a grateful smile. The hairs on my arms were standing up when he pulled away. It was like I'd seen a ghost.

I don't know who was more confused—me or Howie. But Howie collected herself first. "Richard?" She smiled. "Or do you prefer Charli?"

Richard ran his fingers through his hair and laughed. "Richard is fine, thanks." He looked at me. "I didn't realize Howie was your assistant. You didn't respond to any of my texts. I assumed someone else was interested in the book and you didn't want anything to do with it because, well...."

I glanced at Howie, worried she might spontaneously combust at the mere suggestion that she could be my assistant. "She isn't my..." I started, about to explain that Howie wasn't my assistant, that I had no idea Richard was Charli, but I had to pause to process all the pieces of the story. Charli Ardman—the name contained the letters to spell out Richard. Richard must have explained to Howie that he had submitted the manuscript under a pen name. I wanted to ask him why he'd felt the need to remain anonymous, but realized the motivation on my own. He was probably worried that William would write the book off if he knew Richard had written it, as William only knows Richard as the editorial assistant who was fired from Literatti. Or maybe Richard was worried I would receive it and toss it in the trash out of spite.

"I'm not Josie's assistant!" Howie laughed, shrilly. The vein in her forehead was pounding furiously. "We work together. Josie is just here to get a coffee. Such a coincidence that you two know each other!"

"Actually," I said, trying to keep my tone light, "I am here to talk to you about The Five. I had no idea you wrote it, or that you've been texting me. My phone is out of service right now." This wasn't how I pictured giving "Charli" my sell. But right there, in the middle of the coffee shop, without any of us even ordering a drink or sitting down or conducting this meeting with any semblance of civility, I went for it. It was secondary to me that Richard was the author. The Five was good, and I knew I could sell the hell out of it.

"I read The Five in one gulp," I said. "It's a page-burner, commercial appeal for sure, though the execution places this firmly in the literary category. I think Knopf is the perfect publisher for it. I know an editor there who would kill to get her hands on this. She did Alice Munro's latest book. She works with Dave Eggers"—

"Dave Eggers?" Richard repeated, his eyes bright and shiny. "That's amazing."

Howie raised her hand, rudely, and said, "Um, excuse me. Have you even spoken to this editor yet?"

"Well," I sputtered, "I haven't had a chance because"—

Howie put up her hand, silencing me. "So that's nice and all, but you don't know for sure that she would, in fact, kill to get her hands on this book." She gave me a pitying look and turned to Richard. "However, I," she placed her hand over her heart, "do have an interested editor. Denise Woodward, at Little Brown. You might of heard of a little known author named James Patterson?" She arched an eyebrow teasingly at Richard. "Denise is Patterson's editor."

I could have throttled Howie. How she even knew Denise was beyond me, as Howie is in the branding department, not literary. And it was clear why that was the case, because Howie had looped in the wrong editor for The Five. Denise is great, extremely talented, and James Patterson has an exceptionally successful career, but it is not the career a writer like Richard should have. Richard is a talented wordsmith, not a formulaic suspense writer, and he deserved a home at a more prestigious  publishing house. Denise would not be able to attend to Richard's book with the gimlet eye it needed.

"Wow," Richard said, politely, but I could tell the mention of James Patterson's editor didn't spark his interest the way the mention of Dave Eggers' editor did.  "That's extremely flattering that she's interested in my book."

"I have a conference call set up between the three of us for tomorrow afternoon." Howie beamed at me, victoriously.

Richard exhaled, loudly. "Wow," he said again. "Sorry, I know I keep saying that but I'm just overwhelmed. Happy, but overwhelmed."

I felt the exact same way. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him—what was he doing in L.A.? Why was he moving to San Francisco? Why did he send his manuscript to my workplace, knowing I would probably be the one to read it? But I couldn't ask with Howie there.

"Let's do this," I said, using all of my willpower to appear calm and in control. "Why don't you come by the offices tomorrow. We can meet first and then you can have your meeting with Howie. I'd love to have some time to get my ducks in order, see if I can drum up some more interest on my end. It's always good to have options!" I was talking in my perkiest voice, but inside, my heart was splintering into a million pieces. I couldn't believe I had to put on an act like this in front of Richard, when all I wanted to do was pound him on the chest, scream and cry how angry I was at him, how I was still hurting, even after all these months. It was agony having to pretend to be cordial, to sweep my emotions aside for the sake of a professional gain.

"Sure," Richard said, giving me a smile that knocked the wind out of me. "I'd love that." He squeezed my arm, and Howie glared at the place where his fingertips dug into my skin. "Josie," he said, and for a moment it was like we were the only two people in the room, "I just...thank you. Really."

74 comments:

  1. What an amazing post!!!!! Omg I'm so glad Richard is back!!

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  2. That girl is a c u next Tuesday! I just can't.

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  3. I hate where this story is going. Don't get me wrong, Jessica is such a great writer and this post was well written but oh so predictable. All signs point to Richard and Josie riding off into the sunset together and that sucks for us long time readers who've seen how insufferable Richard has been. Peter is still helping Josie and saving her ass time after time but she doesn't appreciate that at all. Instead she wants a man who has put himself first time and time again. I don't care what happens with the manuscript at this point, I'm really frustrated that this story is going down this path with Richard and Josie. I'd rather her be alone and focus on her career than be with the likes of Richard.

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    1. So much this.

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    2. Absolutely right!

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    3. I completely agree. Jessica, I admire you as a writer but this post was so predictable and the thought of Josie and Richard makes me sick. If this is how it is going to turn out, I wish I would have stopped reading when Peter asked Josie on the date. If Josie chooses Richard, I will think that she doesn't have a brain to work with.

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    4. I agree whole heartedly

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    5. Seriously? Let's all tell Jessica how to end her story. Nobody is ever satisfied. P.S. Peter is a belittling jerk who will never really understand Josie.

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    6. Speak for yourself!!! I have also read this blog since its inception way back when it was on cosmo and I have seen all of Josie's love interests come and go but never have I felt a greater connection with any of them than I do with Richard.

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    7. Sina, where's this connection you see with Richard? Was it when he used Kate and took her virginity to get over Josie using him, when he lied over and over to Josie, how about when he pretended to go to work each day only for Josie to find him on her couch, maybe it was when he went MIA, or better yet kicking her out of his apartment in the middle of a blizzard, no maybe it was when he hijacked her bday party to tell his sob story, maybe when he chose to confide in Nina instead of this woman he had a great connection with. Where was this connection when he broke up with her hours before she left? Where has he been for the past 3 months? Nina probably knows. my idea of a connection and a great mate isn't someone who lets you down all the time, is dishonest, secretive and selfish. Might I also mention how he went from being in love with his ex to Josie overnight? I wish one Richard fan would explain why he's so great instead of talking about this connection most of us don't get or see.

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    8. *meant Josie rejecting him not using

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  4. Yes!! I love this post. And I love Richard. I think he and Josie are perfect for one another in a way that Peter could never be. But we'll see. She might just surprise us all.

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  5. Wow, totally did not see that coming. I can't believe she was still so cordial to Richard after everything, but go Josie!

    Can't wait for Thursday.

    http://tragedytwentysomething.blogspot.com/

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    1. I was proud of her for keeping her cool, especially in front of Howie. This is business

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  6. Great stuff! I have finally accepted that Peter and Josie are no longer, but happy to see there is another man in her story (I'm sorry I'm a sucker for the lovely dovey stuff). :Looking forward to Thursday! Thanks Jess!

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  7. Apart from the obvious plot twists and suspense this post had, I love the "typical entitled millennial" phrase and the "I'd had to re-read my beaten up copy of Lean In to reassure myself that I hadn't done anything a man wouldn't have done. Hear me roar!". These pop culture references helped make the post writing good, as always!

    Richard, is a.... controversial character at this point and I agree he's been self centered, but I am open to seeing what happens and what Josie chooses. Poor Josie, the pressure she had right there was huge.

    See you next post!
    www.poetsandheartbreakers.blogspot.com

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  8. If Howie makes a move on Richard I'm going to be furious. Josie and Richard are end game and I can't wait for them to be together when the story wraps. Team Richard!!!!

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    1. I think Howie might stoop that low but it seemed that Richard's focus was mostly on Josie. He clearly still has feelings for her. Not that that makes me Team Richard :P He still messed with Josie time after time.

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  9. I'm bummed that it looks like it'll be Richard at the end. Peter proves himself over and over to her. That said, you can tell that Richard really is the one that she feels for, considering she has all those emotions months later and it wasn't like that with Peter.

    I sort of hope that she ends up with neither and finds a new guy in her future! (that could be because I never liked Richard though!)

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    1. I kind of hope that she either ends up alone or meeting someone new (although it seems like that's impossible with her work situation). Since all of a sudden her feelings for Peter disappeared, that leaves Richard who is a man-baby who has hurt Josie enough.

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    2. How does Peter prove himself over and over again? Am I the only one who doesn't see this??

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    3. No, you're not the only one. Peter has always been condescending and pompous - not to mention he only wants to be with Josie if he's the one in control of hte relationship. I just don't get his appeal at all. Josie is her own person and has moved way beyond the wide-eyed ingénue thing. She needs a partner (*cough* Richard), an equal, and not some arrogant guy who feels the pathetic need to be running the show all the time.

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  10. I love this post. Yay Richard!

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  11. I hope Josie chooses neither. Not just because I hate Richard (which I do) but because you don't ever really see that. Show me a female character who decides she is fine on her own.

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  12. Team Richard! Richard encouraged her to go to LA and succeed in her career and he is taking the time to figure out what his career is going to be (writer apparently!) and he wants to become the man Josie needs. He may not always carry it out smoothly but his intentions are good. Peter just wants her to go back to NY, get married and have babies, he is totally missing how important her career is to her and continuously discourages her from succeeding. Peter is not her future, he is at a totally different stage in his life. Look forward to seeing how it all unfolds!

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    1. How do you even get all that from one post? Peter has not mentioned anything in LA to Josie about settling down and having babies. In fact, she was the one who jumped to conclusions. Even after that Peter STILL helped Josie try to get the one up on Howie. Richard has done nothing to show that he is doing anything with Josie in his mind. He wrote a book. A book that he doesn't even know will get published. He begrudgingly told her to go to LA. He continually acted in a horrible self centered way the entire time they were together. If Josie doesn't end up with Peter, no big deal, but if she ends up with Richard, then all of her speeches about independence and success mean nothing. What if Richard doesn't get published? How will he handle that? More than likely finding a new way to punish Josie emotionally which is what he does best. I do believe that his book and their past relationship would be considered a conflict of interest? What would the partners say about that? Not to mention this whole drama with Howie just screams of becoming an huge issue at work which will jeopardize her career advancement.

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  13. Such a great post!!! I can't wait for Thursday!

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  14. I'm a little disappointed that it seems like Josie will end up with Richard. I think that she needs someone who is emotionally available and who is not as selfish. Could he have changed? Possibly. Peter is always helping Josie. First when she put Elizabeth on the security list and now getting the info about Charli aka Richard. It's clear that he cares for her. Josie knows this as well. I think it would be awesome if Josie decides that she doesn't need a man to complete or validate her at this stage in her life and throws herself into her career. Regardless, I can't wait to read more.

    http://crazyadventuresinny.blogspot.com/

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    1. I agree with this. Why does Josie have to choose between Richard and Peter when there are so many men out there. I thin Josie used Peter to get information about Howie. She knew he would help her and used him.

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  15. Richard is proving himself to.be worthy of josie! I did NOT even think he could have been charli! Please let them get back together

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    1. I'm not so sure. A person's accomplishments in various aspects of their lives don't necessarily make them good partners. He could still be the selfish, immature, cowardly man-baby he was before he wrote the book.

      It will be interesting to see how it all plays out with the book deal and Howie though!

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  16. Not a fan of Richard. I personally wouldn't like to be a with a guy who treats me like shit. But hey, maybe that's Josie's type.

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    1. I wonder if team Richard people are typically more "forgiving" and more "lenient" with their real relationship partners while those who hate Richard may be those who generally take a "no crap" approach in their relationships or who have been burned by Richard types before.

      OR maybe that's just nonsense and I'm reading too much into it haha.

      Just wonderin

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    2. Hahaha...love this. I think you are onto sumptin hurrrrr ;)

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  17. I had a feeling this is where the blog was going! I always imagined that Richard had real talent, since he was on the same witty level as Josie. I know people have strong feelings towards either Richard or Peter, but I know regardless you will give us a great ending! And we can all agree, Howie sucks.

    cranberryvodka9.blogspot.com

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    1. Didn't you want Josie to reunite with Ian and blamed her for his inexcusable behavior? He was right to try to get laid and avoid Josie that night because she couldn't hang out?

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    2. Calm down. First off, my above comment does not contradict that I'd like to see Ian in the story. I don't even say if I'm 'Team Richard or Peter.' Second, I stated my OPINION. I said that I knew it would not be popular and that I just think there are two sides to every story. Regardless, I should be able to comment on an entirely new post with this ridiculous response.

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    3. May I say that we should respect everyone's opinion. At the same time if sometone disagrees with your opinion why not handle it in a respectful manner?

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  18. We always want what is hard to get! This is the nature of human being. Richard was hard to get and even harder to forget, so it's totally natural for Josie to love him so! Peter, on the other hand, was always a simple man with simple expectations, and a gal like Josie surely seeks challenges and adventures...
    Personally, I love Richard! So go on Josie, pound him on the chest, cry and scream! :)

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  19. Best. Post. Ever.

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  20. Kinda weird how while they were dating, Richard never mentioned that he was working on a book... he's so secretive! I wouldn't be able to trust him.

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  21. YAY RICHARD! Been anxiously waiting for him to show up! I love him and Josie together, and I really hope that they're endgame, but I also like that she seems to be getting closure on Peter as well. Overall, a great post. Can't wait to see how the story wraps up, as it seems to be going incredibly well so far! Congrats Jessica!

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  22. Josie doesn't want Peter, the spark is gone for her but she knows Peter wants to be with her so what does she do? She uses Peter to get her the information she needs. She is so manipulative. She thinks Peter isn't supportive of her career and she's dead wrong. If he wasn't supportive would he help her out constantly? Now we have Richard back. Yes the same Richard that took Kate's virginity because Josie rejected him, so called Josie a tease, who criticized her ability to be in a relationship, who made out with her after the premiere party after she reconciled with Peter, who kissed Josie when he had a girlfriend he loved, played it off like Josie meant nothing to him, lied about being laid off til Josie caught him at her apartment, confided and texted Nina behind Josie's back, took off and pushed Josie away, didn't even wish her happy bday, showed up at her party and made it all about him whisking her away to talk about his problems, gaining her sympathy and forgiveness, didn't take responsibility for buying his alcoholic mom a car and breaks up with Josie right before she leaves NY because he's insecure. What a great catch he is! Which woman isn't dreaming about finding a man like that? Josie can do better and if she chooses him she's dumber than I thought. To those who said he's changed because he wrote a book, you're wrong. His success doesnt change his crappy attitude.

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  23. Ugh hated this post...Richard is a writer now?? I hate where this is going

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  24. My biggest complaint about this blog is how Josie keeps running into Peter or Richard. You mean to tell me in NYC, where there are 8 million people sure couldn't find someone else. Now we're in California and they're both back. She's constantly running into them and her exes. Not very realistic. Peter can do better than Josie and if Josie wants Richard then so be it. I don't really care anymore and am beyond disappointed with how this story had been progressing since the hiatus. If I had known this I would've stopped reading when Josie went to LA.

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  25. Love love love this blog & Jessica, but I'd be dissapointed if she ends up with Richard. I think what he did was the shittiest thing a man could do and no matter what he does NOT deserve another chance! She doesn't need a man to be a succesful person and she should just find someone new. Maybe there won't be time to write a new guy into the story but I'd be so happy with NO RICHARD & NO PETER in the end!

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  26. Bwahahahaha! SOOOOO funny to read all the sputtering from the Peter-lovers here in the comments section!

    Go Jessica! This is getting really good!

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    1. Couldn't agree more! SO excited for new posts! GO TEAM RICHARD!

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  27. OMG!!! this was so good it brought tears to my eyes!!!

    I can't wait for the next post!!!

    TEAM RICHARD ALL THE WAY!!!

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  28. I'm so excited about this! I really want to see Josie bury Howie as well as seeing Richard and Josie get together! Predictable my ass, I did NOT think that manuscript was written by Richard!

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  29. http://californiasoulblog.wordpress.com/2014/06/18/the-only-guy-that-can-really-make-me-laugh/#comments

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    1. Check out this blog above.

      I hate Richard. He is a tool, but maybe Jess can make it good still.

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  30. And out.

    I will be back for the next new blog
    but reading Josie justify getting back together with that complete douchebag is not on my agenda. But this is how some women are, no matter what they can always being treated horribly or romanticize it. In my head, Josie chooses to follow her own path and realizes that she has a lot more options than two guys that don't either seem like a good fit.

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    1. Buh-bye! Please change your tampon before you return!

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  31. I love this blog, Jessica's writing never ceases to amaze!!!

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  32. Oh god! Yes! I just screamed at the top of my lungs! Team Richard! And he better not fck this up either >_<

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  33. Finally, we are getting Richard back!!!!
    And I can't wait for the next post!!!

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  34. I. LOVE. RICHARD! Love how this is going! I am soooooo over Peter, and love that there seems to be a chance that she will end up with Richard! Loving this! Cannot wait for Thursdays post!

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  35. I'm so glad Richard is back. I don't care how much everyone hates him, I love their chemistry.
    I'm so proud of Josie for taking the high road and not outing Howie for being such a bitch.
    Ugh. I can't stand Howie.

    Great post, Jess!

    http://lovelifela.wordpress.com

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  36. OMG I AM SO HAPPY RICHARD IS BACK. I was thisclose to giving up on the blog. But the posts have been exceptional, so I couldn't. I love Richard. I hope they do make it (especially since he will be in the C A!). All of you judgey judy's out there need a chill pill. I can bank on the fact that most of you have made the same stupid relationship mistakes as these characters. Life is imperfect, we are humans. Enjoy the ride and love who makes you feel it the strongest. Quit projecting!

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  37. Richard, where did you come from? And what are you doing? Go away. You're such a baby. I get it. You love Josie but you're not good enough... Blah blah whatever. Be a man. You shouldn't have dumped her when she needed a support system. I can't even handle this. Richard makes my blood boil. Where's a fun new guy?! Peter used to be my fave, but he's just boring now. And whiny. (Kinda like me, I now realize-ha!)

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  38. So glad Richard is back I can't stand Peter. Can't wait to see what happens next.

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  39. Sorry to break away from the Team Whomever debate, but I have to address the Howie situation: she's not a bitch. She's not a whore. She's being sneaky and conniving to get ahead in one of the most cutthroat business, as a young woman facing lots of competition. Is she nice? Sweet? No. She doesn't have to be. Perhaps Miss Millenial Josie should reread that book -- she clearly doesn't yet understand how to get over her naive black-and-white moral compunctions and get ahead.

    If Josie loses Richard's deal, it's because she didn't work her ass off enough to get it.

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    1. Wow. I don't be to sound so offensive but if you consider yourself to work like Howie you might get ahead in your field but you will have no one on your side which will only bring you down.

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  40. Flipping out!!!!! What a twist! Excellent!!

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  41. Everyone,brace yourself with the Pitch Perfect 2. Hehe I was hooked with the first movie and been loving the whole cast. Every persoality was indeed lovable so I am just excited to meet the new ones and would be surely welcome by the movie fans. Pitch Perfect songs download were made available by generous people just be very careful with dangerous sites. Thanks for this nice share and all I could say is ACA-AWESOME!!!

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