June 19, 2014

Million Dollar Baby

I wasn't even surprised to see him.

"Let me guess," I said, hoisting my bag higher on my shoulder. It was packed to the brim with manuscripts I'd been meaning to read. "Nina told you where I live."

Richard had been sitting on the front stoop of my apartment building, but now he stood, dusting off the back of his jeans. "Of course she did." He gave me a sad smile. "She's my number one fan."

I snorted nastily. "She's your only fan."

Richard made a motion with his hand, like he was waving me over. "Go on. I can take it."

I dropped my bag on the street. It was almost midnight and the roads were dark and lonely. The noise I made was frighteningly loud, a cross between a growl and a battle cry. It contained all the frustration, the exhaustion, the stress that had been building up in me for the last three months. "You know what it is?" I seethed, my nostrils flaring like some kind of fire breathing lady dragon. "What I finally realized hurts the most? That your ego was more important than I was."

"Josie," Richard said, stooping low so that we were eye-to-eye, "I have no ego. I've been sponging off my father for my entire adult life, despite the fact that he treats me no better than the dirt on his shoe. Do you understand how little ego you have to have to allow someone to degrade you like that? How little dignity you have to have? I was a drag on you. I couldn't live with myself if I brought you down while you were out here, if I in any way kept you from doing all the great things that you were meant to do."

"How noble of you," I said, flatly. "What are you even doing here? What are you doing in San Francisco?"

Richard sighed. "I'm a finalist for the writing fellowship at Wired."

I almost broke a smile. Writing for Wired would be huge. But then I remembered how angry I was and set my mouth into a hard line. "So you moved to San Francisco even though you're just a finalist? What are you going to do if you don't get it?"

Richard shrugged his shoulders and stared at the ground. "I don't know. It gets me away from my family at least. I can always just bartend again. It's what I was doing in New York and it was mindless enough to allow me to focus on the book." He looked up and there was just the hint of a smile playing at his lips. "Apparently I did sort of a bang up job."

I didn't laugh. "Sorry, Richard. I'm not so hot and bothered by your masterpiece that I'm going to forget what you did to me."

"I didn't mean that," Richard said. "I just meant," he exhaled, flustered. I can't ever recall seeing Richard flustered. "But it seemed like, earlier today, that you were amendable to, I don't know, opening the lines of communication...or something."

"Oh," I said, "I am. Believe me. But not because of us, and what we had. But because despite the fact that you've acted like such a raging egomaniac, I think I can get you a nice fat offer for your book. And a nice fat offer for you means a nice fat offer for me at CWA."

Richard folded his arms across his chest and gave me a challenging look. "So this is all business for you? Nothing personal about it?"

I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder again. "I couldn't have feelings for you again if I tried," I said as I walked past him. I was lying through my teeth, but there was no hope for us. Even if the partners agreed to pay me what I'd asked, and even if I stayed in L.A., San Francisco is not exactly a hop, jump, and a skip away. I didn't see how Richard and I could begin to rebuild our trust as a long distance couple. Even though I still had feelings for him, my dance card was more full than it had ever been. I didn't have it in me to rebuild a damaged relationship with a guy I couldn't trust not to bail on me when I needed him most.

From behind me, I heard Richard say, quietly, "I still love you. I didn't end things because I stopped. I ended things because I had nothing to offer you at the moment. It was agony staying away from you, but I just need you to know I did it because I loved you."

I twisted my key in the door and pushed it open. "Well, when you took that risk you took the risk that I would stop loving you. And I did." I glanced at him over my shoulder to see how those words landed. It was cruel, but I wanted him to hurt the way he had hurt me. "I'll see you in the office tomorrow."

I let the door slam behind me with a mean little clap.

_ _

The next morning, I was on my way into the office when I got a call from William. I fumbled with my Bluetooth before picking up ("Promise me you won't text and drive!" Nance begged me when I first came out here). "What are you doing up before noon?"

"Josie, what the hell is going on?" William demanded. "How the fuck does Hilary have an offer for a quarter of a mil from Little, Brown?"

"Hilary?" I repeated, before realizing William meant Howie. "Howie," I corrected him, slowly absorbing the fact that Howie didn't just have a conference call set up between Richard and Denise, she had an offer. A respectable six figure offer for a debut novel, no less.

"I don't care what the fuck her name is," William shouted. "What I care about is getting to the bottom of how a fucking agent trainee in the goddamn branding department has a publishing offer that my team should have." I couldn't see William, but I imagined there was spittle all over his lips. He was furious. As he should be. This was completely unacceptable.

"I didn't want to involve you because I thought I could handle it on my own," I said, trying to sound like I had the whole thing under control even though I clearly didn't.

"Josie," William said, "I don't think you understand how bad this is. How bad this makes me look. The partners are going to want this writer, whoever he is, to take this offer. It's a good offer. And if he takes it, you can forget about your offer here. Why would they pay you $25,000 more than they originally offered you when there is clearly someone else who is doing your job?"

I hit the steering wheel with my fist, to the beat of the repeated fucks screaming in my head. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This was bad. This was so bad. There was no way I could get a better offer on the table in a timely manner. I'd only sent Richard's MS to the editor I wanted eight hours ago. It was 5AM on the west coast, which meant it was only 8AM in New York. She probably hadn't even read my email yet. And then, she still had to read the manuscript—all 400 pages of it—fall in love with it, go to her team and get an offer on the table that could trump 250k.

A part of me wanted to quit right then and there. Spare myself the humiliation. Just go back to New York and forget the last three months of my life. But in my head I could hear Nance, telling me not to give up.

"I can do better than 250," I said to William.

"For your sake and mine, you better," William said.

"I will," I said, my foot going heavy on the gas pedal, the needle on the speedometer arching to the right. I had to.


  

64 comments:

  1. I am glad that Josie finally realized that Richard isn't the one for her. All that crap he was spouting about not being an egomaniac and his family was all to gain sympathy. Thankfully it didn't work this time. Richard will and always will be selfish. Not someone any woman can depend on. I don't believe that he came to San Francisco with only a pipe dream. Living there isn't cheap and I have a feeling that his father is funding all this. Further, why isn't Josie pissed that Nina is so involved in all this and trying to play God with her and Richard? It's clear that she has been in constant contact with him over the past three, four months. What type of friend is that?

    Howie got an offer on the book? I can't stand her but if this doesn't work out (which I think it will and Josie will come through at the last moment) Josie has no one to blame but herself. Why would she leave that manuscript unattended with Howie? She needs to be more careful at work. First with putting Elizabeth on the security list to this latest faux pas. I have a feeling that she'll get an offer and the partners will pay her what she wants and everything will end perfectly.

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    1. I am also glad that Josie didn't reconcile with Richard but I think it is coming. I have a feeling that Richard will somehow save the day may he will refuse Howie's offer and sacrifice the future of his book for Josie and then Josie will go back to her.

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    2. ^ Wow, looking back I made so many errors. Let's try that again
      *I am also glad that Josie didn't reconcile with Richard but I think it is coming. I have a feeling that Richard will somehow save the day. Maybe he will refuse Howie's offer and sacrifice the future of his book to help Josie's career. Then he and Josie will reunite

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  2. Aw Richard! But hey I think you might have gotten the time difference mixed up!

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  3. Hurting Richard? Giving up on him? Really? Omg!
    Please give him another chance?

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    1. Why? I would like for one Richard supporter to give a rational explanation why he deserves to be with Josie. None of that they have a connection crap. Concrete facts why he's so great. Because so many of us aren't seeing it.

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    2. No-Richard is an asshole. I don't think there is a rational reason why he deserves to be with Josie. A relationship is more than just an emotional/physical connection. There has to be love, respect, reliance and so much more.

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    3. I agree, M. I like Richard. He calls Josie out when she needs it (we ALL need that) and he genuinely loves her, whether or not he thinks he deserves her. His lack of self-confidence based on his family background is EVIDENT. And those who lack confidence, more often than not, make up for it with bravado. Josie knows him and he knows Josie. I hope that they get to have a genuine conversation with one another, not this quick, "let's get the soundbites off our chests because we might not get another chance to have the last word" crap. An honest, sit-down conversation. And THEN see where it goes.

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    4. I don't know about other people's definition of "love" but Richard doesn't display it at all. He has always jerked Josie around. Especially when he doesn't get his way. He always tries to justify it by saying his shitty behavior is in her best interest. Please. He is a self-centered asshat. Again, he is causing havoc in her life. He will be her professional and personal downfall.

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    5. He's causing havoc in her life? Howie is causing havoc in her life. Richard's been out of it for months and has been back in the picture for point two seconds.

      Richards' biggest crime, as far as I can see, is being protective and embarrassed about his family's history. He should have told Josie about it, but I can also understand why he wasn't ready to. No one knew about his past, really.

      Tomato, tomahto, as far as I'm concerned. Our perspectives about him are a little different. I don't care who Josie ends up with or doesn't because it's a story. But I think Jessica is doing a stellar job of telling it.

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    6. Howie is wreaking havoc in her life because she is so damn careless. Technically it wasn't Josie's manuscript so Howie didn't really steal from her. Josie left it laying around and now has to deal with the consequences. It isn't the first time she's been careless at work and probably won't be the last because she always manages to get out of it without any major repercussions.

      Richard's biggest crime is being an dishonest jerk. Have we forgotten how he claimed to be going to work each day only for Josie to find him lounging on her couch in broad daylight, how about him talking to down to her (maybe some of you would consider that putting her in her place), blaming his shitty childhood to get sympathy and as an excuse for everything, never putting Josie first and best yet breaking up with her because he's insecure. Oh yes, before I forgot claiming to have a girlfriend he loved only to break up with her and proclaim his love for Josie? Richard needs to grow the hell up and Josie needs to get her act together.

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    7. I completely agree with you Anon 4:19 ^. Richard has time and time proven to be an asshat.

      As for Josie's work life, I have a theory that her book deal will not go through and she will not be offered a position after all. I think she may move back to NYC and join a small agency or start her own independent thing. Eventually, Richard will reappear and tell Josie that he declined Howie's deal and take his book to Josie.

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    8. The havoc he is creating is by reappearing in Josie's life after complete silence after he dumped her. Not to mention the shadiness of communicating through Nina and no one gave Josie the heads up. This whole situation cannot be just professional. There is too much personal baggage that goes with it. It will be a complete sh*t storm when Howie finds out the back story between these two.....

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  4. Great post....however, if it's 5 AM on the west coast....it's actually 8 AM in NYC.

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    1. Yeah that's what she said in the blog. Who said otherwise?

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  5. 5am on the west coast is 8am NYC time. NYC is three hours ahead.

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  6. Talking on the phone and speeding, anyone else think she's gunna crash

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    1. That totally crossed my mind! That would be devastating, and a total curveball.

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  7. I don't think it's realistic that Howie stealing the manuscript woudn't have been mentioned to Richard. It's a big deal AND after saying hurtful things to him, she wouldn't be able to secure that he'd go with her. With him being her friend and knowing that Howie had taken the manuscript, he might have been more likely to stick with Josie's offers and jobs but if she keeps that information from him, he may consider it all "not personal." Anyway, he loves her, he's obviously not going to let her drown over this. he'll take whatever she can get for him, that's how she'll see how much he loves her and then they'll get married. haha... what I know is not the case is that there's no Richard, that was all pipe smoke, they're totally getting back together.

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    2. I think it's completely realistic that she wouldn't tell him. That comes across as Josie needing a favor, which Richard would be completely within his rights to take advantage of. Not only that, she's trying to prove herself to the company. Him turning Howie's offer down because of their past and/or Howie being underhanded doesn't make Josie look better. It makes it look like a fluke or a lucky break, and she's shown that while she takes posession of and tries to fix her problems, she also makes careless mistakes that lead to the problems in the first place. Not worth a $120k/year gamble, if you ask me.

      Furthermore, if she DOES get him an offer and it's less, how do you explain to the partners (who seem to me are all about the numbers) why he took it? If their past comes up, then it's unprofessional and she only got it because of that, and if not, it's still just a lucky break. They're looking for someone to get shit done and prove their worth no matter what (like Howie, even if she is a raging bitch).

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  8. I wish Josie would've mentioned the manuscript to William earlier. Maybe he could've helped her without the senior management finding out? Now it's a rush to see if she could get an offer. On a positive it is 8am in NYC and it is totally feasible. Next time I hope Josie will be more careful.

    Josie said what we all were thinking to Richard but she clearly still has feelings for him. Even though she says she is done and getting back together isn't feasible, I don't know if I believe that. I would love it if she stuck to her word because I personally don't like Richard and feel that she could do so much better but we shall see.

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  9. This is so frustrating for me because I am going through the same situation as Josie and Richard are relationship wise. Please Jessica make it so that Richard learns to not give up when it gets tough and Josie learns to trust him again. It is just heartbreaking. I really want them to succeed. Richard just needs to learn a few lessons, but I feel like they are meant for each other. Every guy needs to be trained a little right?

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    1. You shouldn't have to "train" a guy who did something so awful...

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    2. Nor should you want to.

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    3. Anon 2:28, I hope you're joking. Unrelated to Josie and Richard, I am going to tell you something, since it doesn't seem like your friends IRL are... That guy you're talking about is jerking you around. Don't be that girl that sits around and makes excuses for somebody that treats you like crap. Have some self-respect. Don't shove your hopes and dreams onto a fictional character because you see similarities and want things to be a certain way. If I had a friend like Josie and she had a Richard, I would rather put her in witsec than have her be with him again. What a toxic relationship.

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  10. You can't end the story with her ending up with no one. Things wrapped up nicely with Peter and now it's time for her to be with Richard!!!

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  11. I happen to be a fan of the Richard and Josie storyline. I know how invested we all feel in their lives, despite the fact that this is a story (although a brilliantly written one at that - thank you Jess). I think it's easy to see why they work well together, and why they don't. I also think it's easy to see that he loves Josie - and has for a long time. Going back to the blog being on Cosmo days, their relationship has been built on a solid friendship - and this is the first time for Richard, and truly even for Josie, that they are working through the pains of adult love - it's flawed, painful, and beautiful at the same time. I hope to see them end up together or at least as friends.

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    1. I'm not a fan of Richard, but I get what you mean about this being a necessary part of adult relationships, and if they do end up together, I hope it's with the peace and reconciliation they have the power to muster up after years of emotionally growing up.

      As for the manuscript---agh! I hope she makes it!

      http://poetsandhreatbreakers.blogspot.com

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    2. I meant http://poetsandheartbreakers.blogspot.com

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    3. I am not a Richard fan but you put that beautifully. I would rather not see Josie end up with Richard but if she does I hope that it is because Richard shows true growth, maturity, perseverance and development.

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    4. Maybe you didn't read the story? Richard has been shady as F from the beginning. I seriously would have never guessed he was even a potential for Josie based on how much he gave me the creeps.

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  12. At the very least, I hope Josie gets some serious revenge on Howie. It only seems fair. :)

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  13. Josie dropped the ball leaving that manuscript unattended. It's a cutthroat business and Josie should have known better. The manuscript wasn't Josie's so howie didn't really steal. If it meant so much to Josie she should have been more careful. Obviously this is a blog and everything will work out and Josie well get away with her carelessness unscathed. At this point I don't care who she ends up with. I think it'll be Richard. That will just make her come of as dumb but whatever.

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    1. I was surprised that Josie would just leave the manuscript in the room and walk out leaving Howie with it but I think sleep deprivation and exhaustion can make you truly careless. I know I have had some lapses in judgment when I've gone a while without rest.

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    2. Don't start with that bullsh!t...what Howie did was off the scales in unprofessional behavior and she deserves to be locked in a supply cabinet with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.
      Yeah, I get it--it's a plot device to create conflict. But to blame it on Josie is a real stupid-bitch move.
      "But whatever"...

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    3. So you doing think Josie has any part in this fiasco? If she wasn't so damn irresponsible she would've taken the manuscript with her instead of leaving it around. I'm tired of readers automatically defending Josie when she messed up.

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    4. *don't not doing

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  14. I sure hope Howie gets what's coming to her. Girl is straight shady. I can't wait to see how you wrap tho up Jessica!

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  15. I'm so frustrated with the whole Howie situation. It's clear that she wants what Josie had, and like a previous commenter said "it wasn't josie's so technically Howie didn't steal it". I'm anxious to see how you tie that all up.
    The Richard thing-everyone hates him, and honestly I do get why. He has had his super shady, shitty moments.. but I have hoped for them since we first met richard.
    Richard is the only person who ever truly gets josie AND puts her in her place. Quite frankly, she needs it.
    I'm hoping she gives him another chance, even though he might not deserve it. I really think he loves her.

    Great post, as usual! Tuesday is a long time away!

    http://lovelifela.wordpress.com

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  16. I know there are many people who aren't Richard fans, but I really admire him. Maybe it is because he showed Josie his vulnerable side and that was really difficult for him, but I think the real reason I admire him is because he loves Josie so much he doesn't know how to act. When love confuses and messes with a person, it is absolutely true. I think Josie should have been the voice of reason at the time he tried to break up with her. Sometimes men act like little boys and need help. I think if she showed her stability and groundedess,

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    1. Seriously? ..."Josie should have been the voice of reason at the time he tried to break up with with her. Sometimes men act like little boys and need help"

      The breakup was NOT mutual. Richard dumped her. When someone says they do not want to be with you, you cannot and should not force yourself on them (well you can try but that is problematic for obvious reasons I would think). Josie tried to reassure Richard and she said she loved him but he ended things all the same. Josie had already showed her stability when she met Richard's family and stood by him.

      Girl, I don't know about you, but if some guy dumps me, I will not beg and plead and hang around like a pathetic puppy dog feeling like I need to prove anything if I know I had been a good gf (which Josie had). Sometimes men are actually little boys and no amount of help will change them.

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    2. ^I don't think you could have said it better. Nailed it!!

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    3. Amen. Richard is a cretin and if Josie chooses to be with him... Well, I would feel like the Josie I thought I was getting to know in this blog, after all this time, was a lie. I don't see a self-respecting woman choosing him, no matter what.

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  17. Richard would have stayed and realized how wrong it would be to leave. He needs to know how to trust someone and stay with them for better or for worse. Josie has a right to her feelings, but I can't help but feel like she should let him earn his way back into her life.

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    1. Let me guess... This is based off of you and all of the times you have let guys who have treated you like dirt worm their way back in? Gross.

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  18. If Josie is up at 5am going to work wouldn't she assume there is some assistant in nyc who's been working for 3 hours already also.

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  19. AMENABLE *When did it become too much to ask, that a person who writes for a living spell correctly? Why is this such an herculean task?

    Otherwise, quite enjoyable. As usual :)

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    1. When did it become too much to ask, that a person who is commenting on a blog understand that sometimes people make errors? Why is there such a huge stick up your ass?

      Enjoy your evening :)

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    2. You do remember that she is making these posts for free for her fans, right? She was kind enough to not just leave us hanging, and wrap the story up for us. People make typo's, it happens. She doesn't have multiple people reading after her to check for errors. She does an amazing job. If 1 or 2 spelling error's is such a big deal for you, then maybe you should just not read it.

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    3. Maybe it was a typo on purpose....Richard was flustered speaking to Josie, it's quite possible that HE used the wrong word, therefore prompting Jessica to purposely use the wrong spelling. Who made you the Grammar police anyways?

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  20. Whoa! I just have to say that I love the hot debates that are going on after each post. People are really passionate about the characters and I think that's a testament to Jessica's writing!

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    1. Definitely! It's pretty amazing to see how different everyone reacts to each post and I'm loving the ones that detail why they feel what they feel... giving a different perspective and line of reasoning.

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  21. This blog just keeps getting better and better I'll be really sad when it ends :( but for now I'm happy.

    http://lifeistooshorttakeitwithagrainofsalt.blogspot.com/

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  22. this is so lame. why does josie need to end up with richard or peter? can't she just be single for now and work on her career? and not really team peter but honestly over all the blogs josie was with richard it was a joke. if she gets back together with him now just because he finally is acting like a man and his career is starting up, its completely pathetic. just be hes finally doing well everything is all kosher and richard now wants josie back? yet before when his career was in the dumps he treated her like crap. why cant this blog just end up with a confident secure josie finally making a name for herself.

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  23. Maybe Josie won't "end up" with either of them...maybe the blog will simply end with possibilities...
    No matter how Jessica chooses to end it---SOMEONE'S going to get whiny in the comments section. LOL

    Go Jessica! Don't listen to ANY of us! End it YOUR way!

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  24. Jessica... Thank you for this blog post. Please please PLEASE stay true to Josie as a strong, intelligent woman and don't let her end up with scummy Richard. He is an absolute slug who has never deserved to be with Josie. You know who deserves to be happy finally? Peter. He is perfect and wonderful and sexy and respects Josie and cares for her so much. He is also intelligent and practically perfect in every way. Thank you for creating him. <3

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    1. Jeezus, how OLD are you? Got Daddy issues much?

      Peter is a vomitous bore who respects women as much as he respects rotten donkey turds...Get a grip!

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    2. Hahahahahahahaha okay, calm down. Who cares that Peter is older, that doesn't mean that anyone who likes him has "daddy issues".... Though I guess it could be misconstrued that way by a person lacking the means to construct an intelligent response and who probably only has the "confidence to express their honest opinions" (re:be a total dick) online. I would also ask how old you are, in regards to the juvenile was you conduct yourself, but I have a feeling that you're the type of person who has acted that way at 18 and will act that way at 50, so age is irrelevant.

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  25. Amendable? Try amenable.

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  26. I'm more excited to see how Josie handles her job than who she ends up with. Great post, can't wait to see what happens with the book!

    Lilysplaylist.blogspot.com

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  27. Wow! This just got so juicy! Love it! Go Josie!

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  28. I'm a new reader, but man! This post has me hooked. I hope I can catch up on everything before your next update!

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