September 12, 2013

Big Mistake. Huge.

The Social Media party was crawling with ombre haired girls in leather crop tops and guys doing their best Brody Jenner impressions.

"It's the reality star effect," Kevin said to me. "It's made fame attainable to the masses. Every single person in here has probably filmed some pilot that never aired."

I'd noticed the same effect going on with the fashion bloggers I'd met through out the week at various events for New York Fashion Week. Gorgeous girls in adorable outfits, all with blogs and "brands." I had no idea who they were or how they paid the bills, but I swear I stumbled upon the younger, cooler version of Martha Stewart. William was extremely pleased with that find, and she's working on a book proposal for us as we speak.

I'd watched the first two episodes of the show in Martin's office earlier in the day. The show wouldn't air for another few weeks because the start date got pushed back. I think I had a total of sixty seconds air time in each.

"We get into your storyline later in the season," Martin promised. I was just trying to get used to hearing my voice on camera. I sounded like homicidal valley girl.

Both Kate and Richard were at the party—Kate because she has a bit spot on the show and Richard because his boss had no interest in attending and gave Richard his invite. I was holed up in the corner with the two of them, snarking on the the fame monsters, filling them in on the Peter situation, when Kevin stole me away. "Stuff like this is for mingling, not for clinging to your security blankets," he snipped. Excuse my lameness.

But he was right—I don't like socializing with randos and I need to get better at it. It's how you open up  your network, make contacts that could help you further down the line, etc, etc. It's just that I'm so exhausted by the end of the day that I have to dig really deep to be "on" come 9 PM.

Kevin introduced me around, and I collected quite a few cards. When people heard I worked in publishing and was responsible for the book deal that Kevin's "boss" has (air quotes because she only played his boss in the show, but she is writing a book for us IRL), they descended on me like vultures. "My blog this and my blog that, would make a great book, yada yada." I collected cards and stashed them in my purse. I'd take a look at their little slices of Internet real estate tomorrow. Half of these people don't understand the difference between to and too, your and you're, and it's William's biggest pet peeve. The onus was on me to weed out the grammatically weak.

After I'd put in my mingling time, I tried to find Kate and Richard, but they seemed to have disappeared. Finally, I ran into Richard coming out of the bathroom.

"There you are!" he said. "I thought you'd left."

"I thought you both left too," I said.

"Kate did."


Kevin looked at his watch. "It's almost midnight. And it's a school night."

I couldn't believe how late it was. I should have been exhausted, but I was having such a good time that I must have been running on adrenaline. Even so, I needed to be bright eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow, so I told Richard I needed to head out soon.

At that moment, William approached. "Josie." He patted me on the shoulder. "You've really turned it around in these last few weeks." His words strung together in a drunken slur. He shook his finger at me, "I almost went to HR about you but I'm glad I didn't."

Richard was standing right there—inappropriate! "I'm glad you didn't too," I managed to say, which made William roar with laughter. I hoisted my purse on my shoulder. "I'm about to take off."

"What?!" William looked stricken. "No! Stay! This is your party."

Yes, the producers threw this party for the girl with the sixty second spot. "We have work in the morning," I reminded him.

William waved his hand and made a pshhh noise. A spit bubble formed in the corner of his mouth and I stared at it, transfixed. "Take tomorrow off. Hell, I'm going to. Let's do a shot." He acknowledged Richard for the first time. "Kid, you too." Richard rolled his eyes and whispered to me as we made our way over to the bar, "Why can he never remember my name?"

I hurried after William. "Um, that's very nice of you," I said, close on his heels. He moved surprisingly fast for a portly middle aged man. "But is Megan okay with that?"

"Don't worry about her," William said. We were at the bar now, and he raised his hand to get the bartender's attention.

"I kind of have to because she's my boss too," I said.

"Not for long," William shot back.

I looked at Richard. He raised his eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"Three shots Patrón!" William shouted. The bartender said they didn't have Patrón. "What do you mean you don't have Patrón?" William fumed. "What kind of cheap ass event is this? Whatever, just give me what you got." William turned to me, his face red. "What did you ask? Oh! Yeah. She's not long for this world, trust me." 

I wanted to get more information out of him—and in the state he was in I certainly could have—but William was pushing three tequila shots towards us. I took mine back, wincing, and that's the moment I can pinpoint the night taking a turn.

William was like a shot pusher, encouraging me to do two more. Before I knew it, it was 2am and the party was over. Kevin stopped by to tell me a group of people were headed to an after-party, and invited Richard and me to tag along. I saw William stumble off with some Lauren Conrad wannabe. On his way to his own after-party, I guess.

The cab ride to the Boom Boom Room, in Meatpacking, was the stuff that corny party movies are made of. We begged the cab driver to crank up the music, and the three of us—me, Kevin, Richard—sang-scream at the top of our lungs, sticking our heads outside the window and demanding that other cars beep their horns at us.

At one point, Richard had his hand on my thigh...and I didn't move it.

We'd worked ourselves up so much that by the time we got to the bar, we didn't even order drinks. The three of us just hit the dance floor, continuing to scream-sing in each other's faces. At one point, I attempted to reenact that scene from Dirty Dancing with Richard. We jogged backwards away from each other, and I charged at him. Richard caught me at my hips and tried to lift me up, but his arms failed him, and we ended up crashing to the floor. We knocked into some girl, causing her to drop her drink. Glass shattered everywhere. She started screaming at us, but the music was so loud we couldn't hear a word she was saying, and for some reason this was hysterical to us.

The next thing I knew we were being escorted out by security. I remember Richard arguing with someone—the manager, maybe? I don't remember what he said, but I'm pretty sure we are permanently banned from the Boom Boom Room.

"Your loss," Richard shouted at the bouncer as he guided us out onto the street. We also found this hysterical, of course, and doubled over laughing. We walked like that for a few blocks until we finally stopped, exhausted from laughing, panting, and a little bit sweaty. We stared at each other, catching our breath, and in the next instant we were kissing.

Richard had me up against the wall of some random store front, closed for the night. I think it was the DVF store? Love your work, Diane!

Even though I'm technically a free agent, deep down I knew this wasn't right. And not just because of Peter—because of Kate, because Richard is my friend and co-worker and because I know how he is with girls and I didn't want to be just another notch on his belt. These rational thoughts bubbled to my head all at once and I pushed Richard away. "Wait," I gasped. "Wait."

Richard tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "What?" he smiled.

"We can't do this."

"Why?"He kissed my neck and I groaned.

"Come on," I pushed him off again. "You know why."

"Fuck it," Richard said. "Just let yourself live, Josie."

Just let yourself live, Josie? Under normal circumstances, I'd scoff at such emo-ness. But I was so caught up in the moment, and Richard felt so good, I didn't push him away when we started kissing me again.

As though God himself had intervened, suddenly there was a flashlight on us. "Hey!" It was a policeman. "You kids need to get going."

"Sorry, officer," I murmured, pretty sure I had hot pink lip stick smeared all over my face.

Richard and I headed east. I saw a few cabs loitering a few blocks away. Richard tried to grab my hand as we walked towards them but I pulled it away. That cop had broken whatever spell I was under, and now I was just feeling like I'd made a huge mistake.

"What?" Richard asked.

"Nothing," I said. "I just need to get home. I'm exhausted all of a sudden."

Richard put his arm around my waist and pulled me to him. "My place or your place?"

"Come on," I said. I gently nudged him off me and kept walking.

"You're unbelievable, you know that?" Richard had stopped walking. He was saying this, and not quietly, from a few steps behind me.

I turned around. "What does that mean?"

"It means you might be the biggest cock teases I've ever met."

Now he started walking, and he stormed past me. "Excuse me?" I said, catching up with him. "I've already told you I don't think this is a good idea—weeks ago—and you know it isn't." Richard didn't slow down, and I had to jog to keep up with him. "We had a lot to drink tonight, neither of us is thinking clearly. I don't want to mess up our friendship or hurt Kate. Or Peter."

That got him to stop walking. "He's not even your boyfriend!" Richard laughed, meanly. "He has got you right where he wants you—thinking you're the one calling the shots, that you're the one who's on the fence about being in a relationship. It's genius, really."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Josie, no guy wants to be in a relationship. Ever. They just want to have sex and fall asleep and not have to meet your parents or do any of those bullshit boyfriend things. Peter is the happiest man on earth right now because he's getting to do just that and you're dumb enough to think it's on your terms."

I reeled back like he had hit me. No one had said anything that mean to my face in a long time.

Instead of easing up on me, Richard twisted the knife even deeper. "It's pathetic that you can't see it. I feel bad for you, really."

I blinked back tears. Even though I knew what he was saying wasn't true, even though I knew Richard was just mad and drunk and trying to take a pot shot, it still hurt. "You're such a fucking asshole sometimes."

I turned and started towards the cabs.

"Aw, Josie." I heard Richard behind me, and I broke into a run.

"Josie, wait!" But I was already in a cab, giving him the driver my address, telling him to go. We sped past Richard and I saw him throw his hands up in frustration. Moments later, he texted me, "I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry."

I ignored it.

I have no idea if I should tell Kate about what happened or not. Part of me feels like telling her is a selfish move, because it will only be to alleviate my guilt. And it's not like anything happened, happened. The other part of me feels like I do owe her the courtesy of telling her, and that I'm just trying to talk myself out of it because I'm scared she'll be mad at me. No matter what, I wouldn't be able to hide how angry and hurt I am, and she's going to wonder why I'm giving Richard the cold shoulder all of a sudden. One thing I did know for sure was that I wasn't going to tell Peter—even though it wasn't the most decent thing to do, he's not my boyfriend. I didn't violate any exclusivity code because as Richard so kindly pointed out, we don't have one.

As for Richard. The thought of having to see him at work the next day made me want to throw up—despite William telling me I could take the day off, I was planning on going in any way. That five minute scuffle on the street showed Richard for who he really was: An overgrown baby who wanted to screw everything in sight but oh, woe is me, I have twust wissues so I won't stick around after I have sex with you and if you get mad at me then you're a crazy bitch. God, I hate guys like that. If I had just slept with him weeks ago he would have zero sexual interest in me now, I can promise you that.

But what made me the most angry was that even though I knew Richard was just trying to get under my skin with everything he said about Peter, he'd managed to touch a nerve. Damn him. Now I was doubting myself. Was Peter using me? Was it possible that Richard could see something, guy to guy, that I couldn't?


  1. Good for Richard! Josie finally gets a reality punch to the face. Let's see what she gets out of this.

  2. Seems like Josie is slipping back to her old ways. Peter and her might not have had the talk but it's obvious that he is very much into her. She should tell him what happened, she did the same thing the same time around with Peter 2.0. Richard is an ass and Josie is too gullible. After what happened in the hamptons, she still thought they were cool and such good friends. I hate that Josie has to have every man she talks to be interested in her. If she really likes Peter she would've pushed Richard away, she is a cock tease but it didn't justify Richard. now she's having second thoughts about Peter because of what Richard said, Peter should be the one with Second thoughts about Josie. She obviously wants to have get fun and that's fine but let Peter go instead of playing him.

  3. I hope she really does make it to work tomorrow. Even if William said she could have the day off...Megan didn't, and she is still technically her boss as well.

    Richard is a man-child, Kate is going to overreact, Peter is probably using her. Wouldn't be surprised if Ashley and Nina start double-dating without Josie.

  4. Pretty funny that you would comment on the grammatically-challenged while your blog is full of misspelled words and incorrect usages: it's "effect" as a noun, not "affect" which is a verb. Also, it's spelled "Patron", not "Petron".

    1. Not once does it say "Petron". Obviously, someone can't read correctly.

    2. It did at 2, the spelling and grammatical errors were fixed after that

    3. It's also *woe* is me, not whoa.

      But great post! Loving the story. Keep it up!

  5. Peter hasn't done anything wrong. He never cheated. Josie needs to stop playing these college games. Pick A dick, & stick A dick.

  6. If Jose and Peter aren't exclusive, why not explain what happened? It may hurt, but in the long run it's better to be honest. How else can they build a solid relationship in the future? Josie did nothing wrong - she gave in briefly, but pushed him off and said 'no.'

  7. Never take relationship advice from emotionally stunted man children.

  8. The thing that I find....bothersome....with her is that she does not have clear cut discussions, its always left up to the other person's interpretation and men need directness! She never explicitly spoke to Richard after the incident in the Hamptons, just like she won't address it post party now. In some ways, he's right about her being a tease and in others, its his wounded ego talking. She also has not had a talk with Peter about how things went down, how she was hurt by it, etc. with Peter. Yes, they talked on the drive back to NY but WHAT did they talk about? Did they discuss her need to take things slow, etc? Peter does love her so he'll work with her but she needs to stop with this assumption of people being able to read her mind. Now the thing about Megan! IDK if I can wait a 5 days for the dirt! Great post overall though!

  9. Lol there were way too many spelling and grammatical mistakes in this post. But still juicy! Can't wait till Tuesday!!

  10. Lol there were way too many spelling and grammatical mistakes in this post. But still juicy! Can't wait till Tuesday!!

  11. I think Peter will find out. Josie is at the after party for the show with Richard basically acting the fool and getting thrown out. I'm sure there was press there capturing this wonderful moment. Josie is playing these guys and needs to stop and decide what she wants. Does she want Peter, whom she told to break up with his ex and then she'll give him a chance??? Or does she want to go out and hook up every night. What happened to Josie's book? For a writer she has poor communication skills. She brushes everything under the rug with Richard and now peter. Peter will find out and move on and Josie will be sorry.

  12. woe is me
    (trying to be helpful)

  13. Live your "live"? Really? So many grammar & spelling errors! And this is supposed to be written from the perspective of an employee at a publisher - especially one who scoffs at the "grammatically weak." Laughable.

    1. Actually, she wrote "Just let yourself live" so she was actually gramatically correct with that one.

    2. Perhaps the one graf where I actually didn't make typo/spelling/grammar mistake! Author here, wrote this post after a longggg day in the office much too late at night—hence more sloppiness than usual which everyone seems to be picking up on. And since I've taken the blog rogue, I don't have the luxury of a Cosmo copy editor's eyes giving it the once over before it posts.

      Bare (Bear? Joke.) with me. Keeping the blog up on top of new job/book deadlines has been more taxing than I thought it would be!

    3. Thank you for continuing the blog. I think all of the picking on typos is ridiculous. I am thoroughly enjoying the blog. Love it! I would hate to see it go away.

    4. What anon said ^. People need to stop nit-picking. This blog is glorious- as long as Josie stays with Peter and Peter keeps being amazing. <3 ;)

    5. Maybe because I'm reading too quickly on the sly at work, but I definitely didn't see any errors. *shrugs* Its a courtesy entertainment so the judgment feels unwarranted.

    6. Glad you took the high road and was gracious about people picking out the typos. A lot of bloggers tend to get super offended and stoop to the commenters level which sometimes leads to pointless arguements. Shows how much of a pro you really are! As for the commenters, let her be! No one is perfect!

      Keep up the good work, Jess!

  14. Its none of Kate's business. And calling her a tease because she won't sleep with him? She can take it as far as she wants and stop any time and that doesn't make her a cock tease.

  15. Great post, I like that a lot was going on and it wasn't just stuck on another day with peter. Soo, I kind of like that richard just told her something she needed to hear, but at the same time he may not be right because every guy isn't like him. Also, I'm glad josie is experiencing different things with different guys because this blog wouldn't be as interesting if it was about one guy she was dating. I do think she should tell kate what happened if she considers her a friend. The good thing is josie has backed off from him twice so it's not like she was the one after richard. Yea she let it go a little too far, but not far enough where it's considered crossing the line. I think her and richard had a good friendship, although there did seem to be some....interest between them both, but richard messed that up. Josie seems to be still growing up and learning and I like that, again, it's what keeps this blog interesting.

  16. Loved the post!! Don't listen to the nit pickers. They tend to forget this is a FREE blog and you could've just as easily left us high and dry. Thank youuuu!!

  17. Is it strange that I can picture Josie and Richard as being a really good couple?

    1. Haha not at all. My suspicions are that it could be a plan for the long run (if this blog happens to continue as long as the last Cosmo blog, which would be great.)

  18. Here here! I second the idea of Richard and Josie being a really good couple

  19. I think that Richard likes Josie. Like even though he has commitment issues. I honestly think they might end up together. Josie should let go of Peter. He's so old and I think they want different things in life. The sex is great but I bet it would be even better with Richard. Paaaahlease let something happen between Josie and Richard.

  20. I really hope something happens with Richard eventually! I think that if it had just started from work, there wouldn't be enough to make it last a long time. Maybe they need to get through their known issues first, and it'll eventually work out? Not that you can fix someone, but maybe it'll end up working...haha. I hope, because I love the idea of Richard and Josie.

  21. I say Josie should feel the day out w/ Richard tomorrow. If Kate does seem to sense something, then immediately fill her in, taking responsibility while also emphasizing the importance of her friendship yada yada.. If she doesn't sense anything, just keep it to yourself for a bit. It probably won't work forever, so be prepared to do some explaining to Kate. Figure out what to say to Richard that will get your point across and be good enough that if the friendship is really ruined, she'll have said everything she needs to. Take a period of silence and a break from Richard before having that discussion. And lastly, tell Peter what happened, while also bringing up your new concerns (from the mean things Richard said,) and just keep everything out in the open and honest.

  22. Call me crazy...but I think the idea of Josie and Richard could be good. He's the only one who's been honest with her about Peter. Yeah, maybe he said it in a way he shouldn't have but you can tell her cares about her. She's just so used to his womanizing side that she can't see it. Give it a shot!

  23. come on, Josie...!!! give Richard a chance...please,

  24. It's definitely the other way around. I think that Peter truly loves Josie, and he has taken all the steps to ensure that she is comfortable in their current "relationship" and that the ball is really in her court. Richard is not the guy for her, he isn't emotionally available, his reaction to her was just plain wrong, and Kate is an issue. It would be wrong to act as if Josie just has free rein over every guy she knows, she should be respectful of Kate's feelings. Respect and friendship doesn't only apply to how people treat Josie, she needs to extend the same. She can't have the best of EVERY world, Grady, Richard, Peter, Justin. She needs to make a decision....

  25. I vote for Josie and Richard!!! Peter is old and even thought he doesn't say it I'm sure he's ready to settled down.
    I'm also glad Richard told Josie only the obvious, and if it hurts, like she says it does, it's because deep down she knows he's right.
    "If the shoe fits ...."

  26. Loved it, keep them posts coming please

  27. Justin had commitment issues as well and we all know how that turned out. Perhaps someone mature like Peter is good for her. After seeing Richards reaction-he's definitely a dud

  28. Justin had commitment issues as well and we all know how that turned out. Perhaps someone mature like Peter is good for her. After seeing Richards reaction-he's definitely a dud

  29. I actually don't think Richard is wrong about Peter. Peter wanted his ex. He even cheated on jossie with her. He wanted a baby and a life with Elizabeth. So much that jossie didn't receive a 2nd thought. Then he dumps his ex because she is a bad person?!? Yeah right! Like that isn't something he knew before. I think Elizabeth did him dirty again and she walked away. She probably only took him back because she was jealous of Josie anyway. Once she saw she was still first in Peters eyes she left. Then he comes back to Josie. I think Josie is second choice and a good way for him to stroke his ego. I don't think he has any thoughts of Josie being long term with him.

  30. I like this blog so much better now than when it was on Cosmo, so much more detailed and entertaining. A few grammatical errors here doesn't metter, thank you for taking time to continue this blog. I'm in the minority here and feel that Richard is a jerk. He's playing mind games and trying to get into Josie's head and it seems to be working. If Peter didn't see a relationship with Josie he wouldn't have taken her up to Nantucket to meet up with his married friends and their kids. There is no proof that Peter cheated on Josie, again I think its in her head. What I do remember is a complete lack of communication that caused a huge disconnect between the two of them. They both had their faults but I'm hoping they can work things out this time. My issue with Josie is that she wants committment from these guys but she is not 100% vested in my opinion. She's no saint but from her perspective she is never at fault in these relationships and its always Peter, Justin, Luke, etc's fault.

  31. Justin had commitment issues as well and we all know how that turned out. Perhaps someone mature like Peter is good for her. After seeing Richards reaction-he's definitely a dud

  32. Justin had commitment issues as well and we all know how that turned out. Perhaps someone mature like Peter is good for her. After seeing Richards reaction-he's definitely a dud

    1. fourth time's the charm...

  33. This comment has been removed by the author.

  34. I need Peter to stick around! I'm so invested in Josie and Peter's relationship and Richard is just bad news.

  35. peter is so in love with josie that i dont think he even realises it. im all for Team Peter! Richard is one big horn-ball who is solely driven by the fact that josie hasnt fell into bed with him, he sees this as a challenge i think and every time he gets rejected he only wants it more, please dont let this happen, Josie will only hate herself for it =[

  36. I prefer rich and Josie... Than Peter

  37. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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